Lincolnshire’s Kitchen

In honour of Lincolnshire Day (1 October 2017)

Haslet, sausage, gingerbread
Poacher cheese and more
Plum bread, stuffed chine, all washed down with
Pints of Bateman’s beer for sure

Lincoln red beef, Lincoln blue
Not forgetting Cote Hill cheese
With samphire grown out near the Wash
Down from Grimsby fish smokeries

Pipers crisps, Dennett’s ice cream
Asparagus in fields
With tates and Lincolshire carrot pud
So much this county yields

Less not forget the humble fruit
That fell from apple tree
Prompting Newton to thus define
The force of gravity

 

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Custard Cream Gate

They’re hiding Britain’s biscuits
In a covering of stuff
Enhancing custard creams they say
But have we had enough
Of all this food malarkey?
“Hell no,” is what I say
Add chocolate to anything
And you’ll have made my day!

 

Numberelli

Facts and figures, frazzling brains
Calculations their campaign
Data cooked before the eyes
Digit crunching; their guise
Like a soup of statistics
For that special number fix
That adds up mathematically
To plates of Numberelli!

Spring Picnic

In a field somewhere
Beneath the azure sky
Where a spring breeze whispers
On a chilled tip of tongue
With occasional drops of liquid ice
Mad dogs and Englishmen picnic
Shivering on fold away chairs
Because in that place called somewhere
The sun has dared to show her face
In an illusion of summer
Offering a mirage of warmer days
And the conviction that
One must make hay while the sun shines

Picnic (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Fast Food Fanatic

View image | gettyimages.com

Fast food fanatic
Orders a slice of fat
A spoonful of grease
And a cupful of sugar
A heart attack in a bag
Just waiting to happen

The Biscuit Barrel Battle

There’s a battle in the tin
It’s going down quite loud
With Bourbon shouting out a bit
Digestive feeling proud
And Custard Cream a ranting
Whilst Nice is holding back
Save Malted Milk being a cow
For Shortbread’s on his back!

But then along comes Gingernut
All hard and rather cold
Pushing his way throughout the tin
Cursing those wrapped in gold
And making fun of cookie
Who’s really lost the plot
As Cadbury’s fingers point and jeer
Rich Tea’s stolen his spot

Whilst Jammy Dodger’s on a run
To slip away quite quick
As Jaffa Cake is complaining
He feels a little sick
But ultimately Hobnob and
Wafer turn up and come
To see the mess that has been made
For now each biscuit’s crumbs!

English: Shortbread (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Let Them Eat Porridge!

The story broke yesterday, that Baroness Jenkin, a Tory peer, said poor people should go hungry because they ‘don’t know how to cook’ cheap foods such as porridge! (The Independent, Issue No. 8789).  My advice to her is to never criticise another until you have walked at least a mile in their shoes.  Sure we know that home cooking might be a cheaper option and people have responsibility to cut their coat according to their cloth but poverty isn’t always a self inflicted and there are many other issues at play here bar simple home economics.  For instance did you know that at the present time the UK government can take over half a year to process personal independence payments for severely disabled people who simply cannot work!  Did you know that it can take 13 weeks to sort out child maintenance payments!  Did you know that the school curriculum for cooking in some schools only taught one girl how to bake scones and make pizza!  If this is happening right under our noses, then the picture is a lot bigger than simply cooking porridge!  It is a poor show when the privileged therefore cast such judgements for a truly civilized society helps its poor and vulnerable and doesn’t condemn them!  Porridge may be an option but it should never be a dictate for minds will never be opened and receptive, if they are continually pummelled and beaten.

Let them eat porridge!
Let them eat gruel!
We’ll starve them and blame them
Or is that too cruel?
We’ll tell them it’s their fault
We’ll pass the buck too
But step up and help them
Well that’s up to you!!

For forget that occasionally
This world is quite rough
And some are disabled
Whilst some get it tough
Through not just their doing
But the twist of the knife
That others inflict and
Which deliver much strife!

Forget that the vulnerable
Need support, help and care
But cast forth the finger
And point anywhere
But not introspectively
For we know what’s best
We have our opinions
And theirs we detest!

So divided we fall
And divided we stay
For despite the true sentiment
That home cooking’s the way
It’s lost in the judgement
Position of blame
For whilst porridge is fine
It’s not that simple a game!

 

Chocolate Cake

Chocolate cake, you luscious beast
Upon your joy may we now feast
For sweeter savour on our lips
Forgetting toll that lands on hips
Instead enjoying every taste
By taking time; no race; no haste
Devouring every bit to find
Perfections thoughts; contented mind

Fryday

I’ve heard it said it’s Fryday
A day traditionally
When fish is said to be the choice
Of food that’s served for tea

All wrapped up in white paper
And served with deep fried chips
A battered cod and mushy peas
To make you lick your lips

So head down to your chippy
And give your cook a rest
Where Fish and Chips for ‘Fryday’s’ tea
Promises to be the best!

Traditional Fish ‘n’ Chips (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Bacon Is Good For You (Or Is It?)

Bacon is good for you
Like sweets and candyfloss
And fizzy drinks and cold ice creams
Or steaks with creamy sauce

But that’s in moderation
For in bounty they will make
You feel all stodgy; much like goo
That fills in nommie cakes!

And so enjoy a chocolate bar
A glass of wine or beer
But spare some space for veg and fruit
For good health year on year

English: A chocolate cake decorated with icing, strawberries, and silvery sugar beads. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)