I’m a curtain hook thief
Though I’ll pretend I am not
Until caught all red handed
And in a tight spot!
Yet what is a cat
To do all day long
Bar create havoc and mischief
Take what doesn’t belong
Be it hooks or an item
And cause disarray
Under the guise of great fun
And all part of cat play!
Death to the fly
Said the cat for I spy
A fly swirling and twirling around
With a buzz and a fizz
Whilst doing his biz
An irritant or so I have found
For he carries his germs
In the places he swirms
And swaggers all over the place
With a means so it seems
To fill nightmares not dreams
And does so in front of my face
So death to the fly
I will jump up so high
And catch him while he’s unaware
And eat him in one
In a flash – he’ll be gone
In mid flight whilst he’s up in the air
For I am the cat
And with a split and a splat
His pesty mission I swear I’ll deter
For as a whizz to catch prey
I will not delay
And then I’ll sleep happy and purr!
But the fly was quite bright
And decided to fight
With the cat who he fathomed was thick
I am the fly
He said, And I will deny
This cat her one wish with this trick
For though she is fast
And thinks she can blast
Me out of the sky in a jif!
She hasn’t quite reckoned
That in a tick I can beckon
A plague when I get in a tiff!
For mess with me cat
It’ll be you that goes splat
By the fact I can get on your nerves
And so swish and so swash
It will be your own loss
Just try catch me as I dive and I swerve
So a standoff occurred
And without any word
These creatures determined to win
With the fly up on high
Buzzing round in the sky
Whilst the cat prepped herself to begin
They marked up their lines
To clearly define
The boundary o’re which they would fight
Then cat said to the fly
Look me straight in the eye
And muster all strength and all might
For fly dearest fly
I cannot deny
You drive me quite crazy you do
With your fuzz and your fizz
And your weaving and whizz
And continual hullabaloo
And with that the cat pounced
In a snap she did bounce
And gobbled the fly in one go
For it appears and is clear
That the cat had the sheer
Will to honour her words in one blow
And as for the fly
Who thought he could try
To outsmart the cat it was shown
That no matter how bright
The fact’s simply quite
This feline queen was in a class of her own!
Westminster’s got the wobbles
A case of “oh my gosh”
What are we going to do now
We can sort our own dosh
And who will lead us forward
Into the great unknown
Cos when we’ve kicked out all MP’s
And left the Euro zone
The only option left will be
The ministerial cat
Who wanders and who roams the joint
And clears out all the rats
Was that a metaphor you cry
Well heck what do I know
But purrfectly this puddy-cat
Will get his chums in toe
And sort this sorry state out
This ‘cat’astrophic mess
Calling the boys from Battersea
Dogs home to their address
Where parliament will be recalled
To meet with each of them
And Palmerston will be tasked with
Becoming our PM
Palmerston is the foreign office cat tasked with clearing the rats out of Westminster this April. http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/new-foreign-office-cat-palmerston-7747777
He thought he’d be a shining star
Of bright and brilliant light
A ball of silvered ‘tabbiness’
That dark Christmas Eve night
And have some fun for after all
What trouble could unfold?
If he played with those glistening things
Forget what he’d been told
And so he climbed the Christmas tree
And pounced from branch to branch
He chased the tinsel round and round
And took no second chance
In pulling each and every light
Each bauble and snowflake
Onto the floor to catch each one
In playful big mistake
Then all at once he heard a crash
A puff of smoke and coal
Emerge from down the chimney stack
Where fire had been near hole
And there a man in red stood huge
With ruddied cheek and nose
And white long beard drape past his tum
Reaching down to his toes
“Well deary me” he said out loud
“What a fine mess you’ve made
Where should I leave this bag of things?
You’ve rained on my parade!
You naughty little kitten – well!
What are we gonna do
I’m all confused now – quite perplexed
And really in a stew”
“For I’m supposed to leave these gifts
Neath the bright lit up tree
But you’ve destroyed it well and good
Oh woe – oh woe is me!
For I’ve no time to fix this mess
With all the world to greet
This Christmas Eve – dear kitty-cat
It’s really quite a feat”
And Monty sat there all abashed
With tail dropped very low
Surveying all the chaos for
He’d really wrecked the show!
As Santa sat in floods of tears
In sheer despondency
That he would not be able to
Leave presents ‘neath the tree
But in instant; in a flash
Into the hearth appeared
An angel dressed in fairy wings
Uttering ‘Merlin’s beard!’
‘What’s going on here?” She inquired
“Come Santa eat this pie
And sip your brandy – my old chum
There is no need to cry”
She summoned up a host of help
With magic fairy dew
And in seconds all the mess was gone
As tree looked just like new
And Santa smiled, the Angel winked
As kitten lapped the cream
Thinking that when he woke next day
This would be all a dream
And so next morning as sun rose
And church bells peeled in sky
The children ran down to the lounge
Excitement running high
To see if Santa had been there
Had left them gifts and more
Neath Christmas tree with Yuletide joy
All scattered on the floor
And just as hoped near festive hearth
With carols ringing out
The children’s hopes and dreams came true
As presents lay about
And midst them in their very depths
Dear Monty woke as well
With speck of cream dried on his nose
But not a soul he’d tell!
Cats eyes gleaming in the night
Like beacons;
Bright palates of mystery
Beaming out of the umbra
Reflecting the moon’s silvered light
Seeking, preying, spying
Ready to elicit nocturnal energy
To stalk and to hunt
Under the cover of darkness
Until the sun rises
And those eyes close
Lost in a furry visage
That lies curled up
Asleep
At rest for another day
Black feline with large amber eyes
That sits upon the stair
With look that threatens, promises
A game though not that fair
With eager wit to quite undo
Unbalance you from step
As black has cunning on his mind
And really is adept
At quickly whipping tread right from
Your feet when down you go
Down to the bottom of the stairs
Whence cat, the so and so
Will have smug satisfaction and
An air of winners luck
As one quick pounce he’s knocked you down
Gotcha! You sitting duck!
Ginz&Tonic 