Moaning, The Weather, Tea and Maybe Gin!

There’s an English addiction
That really is rife
To moan about everything
They encounter in life
They complain about this
They complain about that
They protest and they grumble
And they go tit for tat
Be it about their work or their children
Their house or their car
They take moaning to new levels
But the complaint that’s by far
The most idiosyncratic of all
Just has to be
When they moan about the weather
Be it wet or sunny
For in winter they witter
About the cold and the rain
Then in summer the sun
Gives them cause to complain
So like ‘em or love ‘em
To be English for sure
Is to be in a state of discontentment
Where only tea is the cure!
For tea is quite magic
As it makes all things right
When the English have done battle
And there’s no gin in sight!

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Wonder

I wonder as I wander
What wonders I will see
A wandering in wonderment
Midst wonderful country
A wonderwork to wonder on
Whilst wandering about
For a wonder, it’s a wonderland
Without a shade of doubt!

I Was, You Were

I know you think it all makes sense
When ‘you was’ comes from your lips
But please be sure to get it right
Without this sort of slip
For very simply, it is this
‘I was,’ ‘you were,’ so please
Use were with you and was with I
For linguistic expertise!

Language

What happened to the humble apostrophe?
The grammatical code that implies
That you’re is not your
And they’re is not there
Whenever it isn’t applied

What happened to spelling and structure?
As rules are abandoned and lost
Is English now English?
Or has it just gone?
And then at what price and what cost?

For it seems now that anything goes
For modern language appears to be bored
With these things that once thrived
Without second glance
All now labelled passé and ignored

Spring Picnic

In a field somewhere
Beneath the azure sky
Where a spring breeze whispers
On a chilled tip of tongue
With occasional drops of liquid ice
Mad dogs and Englishmen picnic
Shivering on fold away chairs
Because in that place called somewhere
The sun has dared to show her face
In an illusion of summer
Offering a mirage of warmer days
And the conviction that
One must make hay while the sun shines

Picnic (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Dreamt

Try and find me a word
That has the ending the same
As dreamt as in dream
For I believe that its fame
Is the fact that another
Doesn’t end in MT
And so is unique in
English vocabulary

English Grumbles

It seems that Brits all love to moan
To grumble and complain
To remonstrate and blame with rife
When something is a pain

To whine and whimper – oh it’s bad
Lamenting constantly
Where it might seem that the cup is not
Half full but half empty

And yet in Britain we have pride
In many different things
So save just going on and on
Let’s fly the flag and sing

Sing songs of good old England and
Her pastures green and fair
And pull ourselves out of doldrums
To get a smile in there!

English: Wastwater, Lake District, England. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Scon Or Scone?

Here’s one to get you talking!
Is it ‘scon’ or is it ‘scone’?
The cake that’s gone when eaten
Or the bun that sounds like cone.

Is it really that impossible
To agree on which it is?
A con in English Language
To get us in a tiz!

So whether ‘scon’ or ‘scone’
As a currant teatime treat
It just needs jam and cream – no words!
And time to sit and eat!

Parlez English!

Trying to learn English
Can get you quite unstuck
For whilst in one place they will say hello
Elsewhere it’s ay-up midduk
But sojourn to western regions
And there they will greet you
With a friendly nod and welcome
Of ello my lovely – true!

And try to drink a cup of tea
Well now that’s really something cool
For in London it’s a Rosie Lee
Or a cup o’ char in Liverpool
Or kippertae in Birmingham
If you fancy tea for two
But go further north and you’ll be told
They’ll make the perfect brew!

Then think again just where you are
If you want to say ‘that’s brill’
Cos in the Black Country it’s bostin
But in London, pukka takes their will.
And a ‘good one’ is a belter
In Derby so it’s said
But up in Newcastle you will find
They’ll just say Mint instead

So speaking to the English
Is about as clear as mud!
With many dialects galore
And different phrases in their blood
But one thing that covers all bases
And counts across the miles
Is a nod of recognition
And a warm and friendly smile