Christmas Crisis

It’s understood this Christmas, that Santa has a prob!
For his pole is all a-melting and the sleigh won’t do its job
For without a solid runway, the reindeer will not be
Able to get the run they need to take off easily

Well it’s causing a commotion and it’s putting on a strain
For whilst making his red-nose brighter, Rudolf plugged into the mains
And used up precious fossil fuels in his attempts at vanity
Which all the other reindeer say, is a waste of energy

But in truth they are no better for it is a well-known fact
That Dasher, Dancer and Prancer were all in on the act
And Vixen, Comet and Cupid have been seen, so it is said,
Racing about in their fast cars and painting the town red

Whilst Donner and dear Blixem have sheltered from the storms
By chopping up the forests to keep themselves all warm
And the Elves too have been busy a-stoking up their fires
In their workshops as they make the toys for children to admire

So now Santa’s in a quandary, a-worrying ‘bout what he’ll do
Stomping around his grotto and getting in a stew
For the question that he’s pondering, is what if he can’t get
Out with the sleigh on Christmas night causing a huge upset!

“Oh deary me,” he falters, with heavy salty tears
That dribble down his rosy cheeks and dampen Christmas cheer
“For no-one ever listens when you tell them what will be”
He sighs so very loudly, now not feeling Christmassy!

For in fairness, he has no answers despite pulling on his beard
For it’s bad, as bad as it can get, much as he’d always feared
And so it seems this Christmas, the only hope a float
Is that Santa’s elves get busy and build him a magic boat!

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Rudolf’s In Such Trouble

Rudolf’s in such trouble
He’s been so very bad
He took a sleigh out by himself
And now Santa’s real sad

He thought he’d have a jolly
A little bit of fun
For it is said an Elf dared him
To go out for a run

They’d had their Christmas party
And all had gone to bed
Bar Rudolf and the naughty Elf
Who went outside instead!

They both were a bit tipsy
From all the Christmas punch
So thought they’d hop aboard the sleigh
Said they’d be back for lunch

But then disaster happened
For out near the North Pole
They crashed the sleigh and wrecked it
As they lost all control

And so shamefaced they walked back
To Santa who was cross
Who sent them to their quarters
With nowt but reindeer moss

For he was very angry
Disappointed and dismayed
That Rudolf could have been so bad
Why on earth had he strayed?

So Santa sat and thought long
He ummed and he then arghed
For driving drunk the famous sleigh
Meant he must now be hard

He loved Rudolf so dearly
But he had gone too far
For he had risked the Christmas Flight
Round world past Northern Star

He’d put all children’s wishes
On hold just for a dare
And Santa knew his punishment
Must match the crime; be fair

And so he summoned Rudolf
To go before his court
Where sentence was then handed down
Leaving Rudolf distraught

For he was told his actions
Had been so very poor
That he would not be on the Sleigh
That Christmastime for sure

Oh Rudolf wailed and wobbled
His bottom lip and cried
Why had he been so silly
To have this ride denied

But despite his protestations
The court would not be moved
For Rudolf had to stay at home
Until he had improved

And so on Christmas Eve
He’ll not be out that night
Drawing Santa upon his Sleigh
With red nose shining bright

Instead he’ll have to stay at home
His Christmas fun deprived
For it is not acceptable
To ever drink and drive!

By Jon Nickles (U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service) [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons

Christmas Is Coming

Christmas is coming
The geese are getting fat
The weather’s bloomin’ awful
And soaking Grandma’s hat
The clouds are blowing madly
And thunder’s boom boom bright
With lightning streaking cross the sky
Upon this Christmas night

There’s news of snow arriving
With blizzards on their way
So ho ho ho what a todo
Poor Santa in this sleigh
For his beard will get all frosty
And nose get flipping cold
Less arthritis in his old joints
Start to take grip and hold

And bless his prancing reindeer
Let’s hope they’ve worn a mac
For fear that if they too get wet
They might just turn right back
And return to the North Pole
To hibernate instead
To hide under their duvets
And retire to their beds!