Autumn Hysteria

Let’s cue autumn hysteria
It happens every year
Not in the sense that leaves drop gold
Or hops are making beer
But on a scale enormous
The worse that there has been
By far the biggest threat to man
For spiders have been seen
Invading every household
Intent one must presume
Of eating its inhabitants
The kids perhaps consume
But most devouring sanity
By stealth; weapon of fright
Arachnid armies on the move
And nightmares night on night!

English: Spider (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Advertisement

The Spiderling

Today I left my egg sac with
A million new siblings
To see the world and find out more
As hatched out spiderlings

And in a cluster we amassed
On sill of window frame
To ponder what we would do next
How to explore life’s game!

Some wandered off in search of food
Whilst others stayed to grow
But I ballooned and cast my silk
To catch the wild airflow

And off I went so far away
To strange and distant shore
On breeze to live arachnid life
As spider evermore

“Gasteracantha mammosa” (G. cancriformis?) spiderlings next to their egg capsule. The size of each spiderling is 1 -2 mm. Photographed on Hawai’i Big Island. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Dear Spider

Dear Spider, Spider overhead
Please do not drop down on my bed
Or else I will just have to shout
And maybe get the vacuum out
For there’s no room for both of us
So please don’t stall and make a fuss
But hurry off and disappear
Saving falling down to gnaw my ear
And in my mouth, please do not creep
Go Spider dear – leave me to sleep!

 

The Case of the Spider

The case of the spider who wound up in a glass
It broke in and entered without even a pass.
Then with its eight gigantic black legs and its beady black eyes
A silken web did it weave in order to surprise,
And a network of chaos did it spin through the house
That scared the man witless and even his spouse,
As with arachnophobic intent and stealth uncompared
The defendant, your worship, climbed up the stairs,
Before stealing his way into the bathroom and bath
And hiding himself in the plug for a laugh.
Then just when the poor victims got to the end of their day
They rose up the stairs to wash their grime all away.
But, yes you just guessed it, as they stepped in the tub
The spider, that vile creature, popped out with a club
And axed them to death or so it is said
Or at least attempted to do so now the story’s re-read.
For these spiders, your worship, think they have rights over man
To wander quite freely just cos they feel that they can.
They break in and enter without even a pass
And then dare to complain that they wind up in a glass!